I stated in a previous post that “The NCF needs a new Liar” and I got to thinking……. If they were to advertise for the position – as all government departments are required to do – it would probably read something like this…..

Applicantions are invited for the post of Chief Liar Writer for the National Cultural Foundation (NCF). Applicants should have an adept background in lying profusely evidenced by he or she having previous experience in politics.

Applicants should have a sound University education and should be able to lie convincingly that they do if they do not.

The Ideal candidate should be able to;

Lie to a priest

Lie to local and international media

And specialize in lying about people when they are not present.

Applications should be sent to

“Liar Vacancy”
D.D.A Dept*
NCF
West Terrace
St Michael

Only suitable liars will be acknowledged

* If you are a regular Boyce Voice reader you should know what this is. Read New NCF Dept D.D.A doing well

Move Bitch,

Get out the way,

Get out the way

Move Bitch

No you are not at a Hip Hop concert where such blatant degrading lyrics are the accepted norm. Flash back to 29th July 2007 the Party Monarch competition, East coast Road. That’s one of the pieces Sherwin Winchester chose to include in his set while he was performing with his band Traffic.

Imagine, NCF paid $30,000 BDS for a man to come down here and call our women bitches and tell them get out the way. I listened to the Party Monarch coverage over the radio, the reason I did not attend will be the subject of another post. When I first heard the “move bitch, get out the way” coming through the radio, I figured somebody had eaten some bad food, was in a hurry to get to the bathroom and was running through the crowd cursing people and it was broadcasted by accident. No it turned out it was Sherwin who had been heard on the NCF radio ad inviting us to come down to east coast so he could call us bitches.

The radio was another source of interest. They were trying to follow Sherwin’s lyrics to bleep out only the word “bitch”. If that was a local act they would have cut away from us and that would be the last time we would have been heard for the evening. I also know the lyrics of local calypsonians are vetted and there is a penalty for using distasteful lyrics, obviously that does not apply to foreign acts.

How could Sherwin come down here and look at our beautiful Bajan women and call them bitches? That is unacceptable and inappropriate! It is not inappropriate for us to curse here how ever.

I would take those same lyrics and direct them right back to the NCF who hired Sherwin to be at Party Monarch in the first place and I would say:

Move Bitch,

Get out the way,

Get out the way

Move Bitch!

Boyce Man Dun wid this hey then!

“De Place Pack up now

De Place Pack up now”

Sung by Timmy, Lyrics by Eric Lewis

The above photo was taken at the Euphoria event at the Sir Garfield Sobers Gymnasium last night. Look at the people then…..

Now the NCF can see where the people were that were missing from Cohoblopot. We want to thank the people for coming out and supporting “Euphoria”. All the visitors and the locals who made the decision to support the 100% Bajan Crop Over event!

We also want to thank CERO, The Royal Barbados Police Force, The Vat Office and Gymnasium Ltd. for assisting us with the event. (I will speak to this again in a later post). Also want to big up DB Productions and QSI Sounds. In Saturday’s newspaper they called it “Boyce’s Euphoria”, that’s pretty flattering, however it could never be mines alone as I could never do it by myself. I want to recognise the other entertainment partners involved. Will not call their names though to prevent victimization.

We also want to thank all the artistes who supported the event by performing, by doing the radio endorsements and encouraging people to come out. The success of “Euphoria” proves that the entertainment industry has the power. Thanks again to the people for coming out and for your support…

From 2007 and beyond it will be “Euphoria Forever!”.

Here’s another taste of Euphoria – a scene from the Alison Hinds Show; Alison and her sexy dancers.

De Man could lie

Tha man could lie then

Lyrics from The Liar written by Eric Lewis, 1999.

When Eric Lewis wrote lyrics to “the liar” back in 1999 he must have been writing about the NCF! That institution could lie…

It seems as though part of the mandate of NCF is to produce lies and they have been doing that quite admirably of recent times. So why the lies? The question was asked of our esteemed National Cultural Foundation (NCF) – how come the biggest acts for Crop Over 2007 were on the private event Euphoria and not on Cohobolopot.

The NCF came out firing lies like Crazy (not Madd), I never hear so many lies yet then… They did not just come with one lie they gave a selection of lies for you to choose from which I thought was pretty convenient of them.

Lie Option (1)
First they started out saying that they (NCF) had made lucrative monetary offers to the artistes and they (the artistes) had refused to budge because they were contracted exclusively to Euphoria. They let that one circulate for a bit and then it’s like some body decided “Yuh know what? That lie is not working, let us try this one”!

Lie Option (2)
Next at a press conference, the NCF released – the reason the artistes were not on Cohoblopot was because they demanded excessive fees from them! So the same NCF – who had claimed that they had offered so much money to the artistes in the first place and they had refused it – all of a sudden made a ninety degree and stated that the same artistes were now demanding too much money and they couldn’t pay.

Exactly which lie are you going with NCF? They are conflicting; I think you guys need to put your heads together and come up with a third Lie, a good one this time.

As for the “acts are booked exclusive to Euphoria” story, that’s another lie. ALL the acts on Euphoria were booked to be on other events INCLUDING the NCF‘s own Cohoblopot. You need a new Lie here too!

Then the statement the CEO made that there was no truth to the allegation that local artistes were approached late by NCF to be booked for Cohoblopot. Manager of Krosfyah Mikey Agard was heard on radio news responding that the band was only approached by NCF less than a week before the event! Management of Lil Rick also said that they were approached late by the NCF as well and there is an email to prove it.

I know Jamaican Vegas was booked months in advance though, maybe they mixed up Lil Rick with Vegas. May be some body needs glasses, maybe somebody needs to stop telling lies or if they must lie, tell a good lie and stick to it!

Maybe they need a new Liar up there, this will be dealt with later; I DUN!

Coming Soon – The true reason why Artistes opted for Euphoria.

The National Cultural Foundation (NCF) yesterday announced the establishment of a new department dedicated to the cultural industries of Barbados. The CEO at a press conference proudly introduced a new initiative of the NCF entitled D.D.A meaning – the “Diss De Artistes” department.

The head of D.D.A was then introduced and he outlined the objectives of the new entity in terms of its long and short term goals. The D.D.A head stated they would have the sole responsibility of coming up with initiatives to disrespect (diss) local artistes as much as they possibly can.

D.D.A has already achieved quite a few of its objectives for Crop Over 2007.

In the past, calypsonians received free access to Crop Over events in recognition of their contribution to the festival that wasteful act of the government has now been stopped.

An example was identified where calypsonian Captain Sawyer had his pass withdrawn the same night after not being able to judge in the competition because he had an accident the same day that affected his eye.

“Eye or no eye, he should be able to perform dammit! Such acts will not be tolerated!” the head of D.D.A stated. As a result of this “No Ticket” initiative more passes are now available for friends, families and women of organizing officials.

Another situation for which D.D.A dissed an artiste big time was at the Junior Monarch finals. At that event two time Junior Monarch Tiffany G was not provided with a seat at this years contest. “Does she think she is a queen?” the head of D.D.A stated “It is time these artistes were put in their place”.

The crowning achievement of D.D.A however was its “Vegas” initiative. Instead of local acts being highlighted at the national event Cohoblopot as in previous years, it will now be “hot wuck” and “dutty wine”. The head of D.D.A then demonstrated his physical prowess in doing the “dutty dance” much to the delight of ministers in attendance.

The cultural mandate of D.D.A will be to humiliate and embarrass as much calypsonians as they can throughout Crop Over and beyond. “We will not be deterred by misguided organizations like UAB and BATMAN who seek to protect the rights of artistes. They will be addressed and their asses eliminated!”, the head of D.D.A stated as he returned to his seat to rousing applause from government officials present.

Congrats to the D.D.A from BoyceVoice.com finally an NCF department that is finally achieving its mandated cultural objectives …..

The shrill sound of my alarm clock woke me from my deep sleep; I awoke to find that the D.D.A NCF release above was nothing but a figment of my igrunt and deranged entertainment imagination. I was so relieved it was just a nightmare, OR WAS IT??

Wait, where’s my Crop Over Pass??

Boyce Voice would like to say Congrats to the Hypa Dog Lil Rick on winning the 2007 Party Monarch Title.
Doing his big tune “Cant Wait” Rick won over the other 19 contestants down east coast yesterday.

Rick also has his “Conch” song which has been dominating the airwaves since its release in June.

Congrats again to Lil Rick and his also his beautiful management Ms Santia Bradshaw.if I had management like Santia I would perform well too.Congratulations also to 2nd and 3rd prize winners Mr Dale and Khiomal from respectively.

Watch for Party Monarch Rick, Mr Dale and Khiomal appearing in Bacchanal Time vs. the Best of Crop Over this Wednesday 1st August 2007 at the Sir Garfield Sobers Complex, 8 pm.

All the top acts of Crop over will be there and you should be there too! Ticket on sale at advertised box office outlets.
Come celebrate with Party Monarch Rick!

P.S; Also Watch for Lil Rick,Alison Hinds & Krosfyah in “Euphoria” Sunday 5th August at Sir Garfield Sobers Complex.

*Photo of my Ass above!

Have you seen the filler video commercial the National Cultural Foundation (NCF) has on TV advertising our National Party Monarch Competition? It’s the one that starts with the Trini Winchester song.

“Open the Gates” “Open the Gates”

It is the most insulting piece of crap I have come across for some time. It is insulting to us as entertainers and also as Bajans! You are promoting a National Competition which contains some of our biggest acts of our Crop Over Festival. Lil Rick “Eating Conch”, Khiomal with “Bashment Bacchanal”, Timmy with “Sauce”, Peter Ram with “Pumping”, Mikey, Barry, Blood, Mr Dale, all those big Bajan acts and the only artiste that NCF can find to highlight in the ad is Sherwin Winchester? That is so igrunt then.
Yes they also have an ad jingle that I heard with Edwin singing about Party Monarch event but a majority of the marketing thrust is based on Sherwin, especially on television.

When I first saw the ad on TV I thought it was just a Sherwin Winchester music video playing and I thought “Ok, CBC is showing some Trini music in addition to all the Bajan fillers they have been showing recently, that’s cool”. It was only when I saw the little words running along the bottom that I realized it really was the ad for our own Party Monarch.

I am all for CSME and all that crap, I am not saying that you should not have Sherwin on the show. We have become accustomed to the fact that NCF will pay over $50,000.00 to Trinis to perform here while viciously resisting any attempts by locals to get even a meager raise. But now to turn around and highlight them exclusively in the advertising that is adding insult to injury.

On the radio the Party Monarch ad starts with audio of Sherwin saying, “Barbados, this is your boy Sherwin Winchester inviting you to Party Monarch” somebody should tell him he is not our boy. Our boys would be Barry, Lil Rick and Mikey and them, we should be inviting. Sherwin to party monarch as a guest not him inviting us. At this time nobody gives a rat’s ass about “opening gates” people talking about eating “conch” and who “bite” who.

The bumper crowds that are coming in for Crop Over are coming to see Bajan acts. If they wanted to see Sherwin they would go to Trinidad Carnival. When you see Winchester being highlighted it gives the impression that our local acts and music are failing and we have to resort to a foreign act to sell the show. That could not be further from the truth, the general opinion is that overall the quality and standard of music this year is way above previous years.

Now here’s where I will shamelessly plug.

That is why in the marketing of Bacchanal Time we are proud to say we highlight our local stars in our ads and still have successful events. In our advertising you will see Mac Fingall, Edwin, Rick, Madd, Spin Pooch and even youngsters like Nard and John Mahameed. Bajan acts are highlighted to attract people to a Bajan show.

You know CBC does say that CBC is we TV? Well Crop Over is We festival and the marketing of We National Competitions should reflect We!

I dun wid that! (Say like badman Sickie …. dun!)

P.S; If you disagree with me you can comment so I can curse your ass too!

And while you are at it also read “To Curse or Not to Curse”
Thank you for tuning in……

Ian Estwick is not a liar!

I would like you to read the above like 3 or 4 times and for good measure. I will reiterate it one more time Ian Estwick is not a liar. He is a good and upstanding pillar of our cultural community who is most fit to hold the post of CEO of the National Cultural Foundation! Good, just wanted to make my position clear.

I was waiting to hear a comment on the legal letter that was sent to Dwayne Grazzette from Ian Estwick’s Lawyers other places but since no one is stupid enough I will just have to comment on it my freaking self. Let me take you back to Bacchanal Time recording at the Gymnasium July 14th 2007. Jabae’s band manager Dwayne Grazzatte, was served a letter from a lawyer with a certain legal content.

And what did that letter say? It stated that Dwayne needs to stop saying bad things about National Cultural Foundation (NCF) CEO Ian Estwick in emails other wise there might be a court action. Dwayne showed me the letter and I was horrified! The tone of the letter was so frightening then and the legal jargon was so big and intimidating, I almost peed myself reading it. My knees started to shake. It was like watching a horror movie except I was reading.

The letter wasn’t written even to me and I was scared out of my wits. I asked Dwayne “Aren’t you frightened by this
letter Dwayne?” but Dwayne is so brave, he could be the President of the United States then…

Dwayne said he was “sticking to his guns”, but poor me not having a gun I was frightened as hell. I was frightened like a little girl, of course these days you cannot use the phrase frightened like a girl, cause girls these days aint like they use to be, they bite and thing.

Back to the topic, when I read that letter it reminded me of the song Kid Site is singing in Bacchanal Time this year entitled “Ah Frighten”. So I just want to emphatically state, (say like in Martin Luther King’s “I have a Dream” speech). I want to shout it from the mountain tops of St Andrew Hillaby, from the Barbara Greene valleys of Black Rock St Michael, from Wanstead West Terrace and the hallowed walls of the Ncf, I want to shout vociferously:

“Ian Estwick is not a liar.”

He is an upstanding and above board gentleman, who is incapable of any lie type terminology. I am sure that after reading my blog ladies and gentlemen you would recognize that the only person capable of lying, is me!Darron Grant Peter Boyce dun wid this here! (Say like badman Sicki, done!) Next thing yuh know I get one of those letters, it getting dangerous bout here then (again from Sicki’s song)

Check me out in my pretty shirt. It blinding you? I hope so.

This one goes out to all the people who saw me on CBC TV the other night and drop a lot of disparaging remarks about my attire. A lot of nasty shirt remarks.

Did your wife see you before you left home? Are you colour blind? Are you gay?

Some people said I had been fighting with the clown for so long that it was now rubbing off and I was now dressing like a clown. One member of the public said they now see why the government and cultural industries always seem to be at logger heads, if I turn up at meetings representing artistes wearing shirts like that they will obviously think you could only be a freaking idiot, and that is why the entertainment industry does not get any respect.

I was told by one of my assistants that when she saw me on TV she was utterly ashamed and wished not to be associated with me in any form or fashion. I will accede to her wishes and not call Sherri Worrell’s name. One person wrote on my blog my shirt was hurting their f***king eyes.I did even know eyes could do that.

Allow me to share with you the reasoning behind wearing the shirt. I decided it was the beginning of Crop Over season and the first episode of Festival Stage TV show. I therefore thought it would be appropriate to wear a celebratory shirt. So excuse me for being celebratory …..

The brilliance of my shirt apparently prevented people from hearing what I was saying. So I sat and talked about NCF trampling people’s rights with a draconian (my favorite word) contract and big words like “multiplicity” and thing and nobody heard me. All people talked about was my shirt. Apparently I could have cursed and nobody would have heard.

Some people also claimed my shirt caused problems with their television monitors. Well peoples you can all KISS MY SHIRT! I am standing up for my pretty shirt.

If a man wants to wear a pretty shirt he should be able to wear a pretty shirt dammit! Why should women wear all the pretty clothes? Michael Jackson was known for his glove, Richard Stoute is known for his white shoes, Elton John is known for….. alright scratch the Elton John bit, Edwin is known for his two colour hair, I want to be known for my pretty shirt!

I felt the need to redeem my self after writing all the cursing blogs and saucy stuff like Deep Throat vs. De Sauce. So I decided to redeem my self by visiting the Experience tent. That’s like going to church but a calypso church. I had a break in Bacchanal Time’s  schedule and so I decided to experience the Experience tent. For those of you who might not know, Experience is a tent that does religious type calypsos only, their motto is “Representing God in Culture”.

Experience tent was quite a change from what I was accustomed to. When the MC talks about using your mouth for something they mean to shout or talk. When they talk about going home to something “hot”, they mean a “hot” cup of tea. And when they say “Jesus Christ” they say it in praise and not because they are vexed with somebody and swearing. When they talk about eating in experience they actually mean eating for real, I mean like in eating food and I mean real food¹.

I ended up sitting next to a woman with an ear splitting shriek who responded enthusiastically to almost all the performers, which caused me to be deaf in one ear but I guess I was being made deaf for the Lord so that was cool. The same lady however blessed me when I sneezed, so I tried to sneeze a lot ’cause you know I need a lot of blessing with the sinful controversial life I am living.The young lady was so energetic at one point she almost knocked out my eye waving a flag for the Lord. I guess if I had lost an eye for the Lord that that would have been cool too.

The performers who impressed me ….

Calypsonian Apache (who looks like Jesus or what Jesus looks like in pictures) sang a song about “taking back” the society from the evil people like you reading this blog. That was good. Apache also did a number that had the audience screaming for more, he was like the religious Lil Rick of the tent in terms of response. I understand he was a dub artiste before he saw the light and he is now using his “Experience” for the Lord.

“Rommel” who performed an impactful number entitled Apcalypso about a battle between “Satan vs. Jesus”. That calypso was so hard then. Kareen Clarke was good too she was like a religious Alison Hinds. She really passionately performed a song that brought the crowd to their feet. Another Lady performed a number we need to get Back to the Master that was also outstanding. I forgot to write down her name though; you think I am Ricky Jordan or something?

They had their own party songs which did not mention conch or sauce or wukking up and when they sang about living water and they did not mean Guinness. They meant like holy water. Sammi J did an infectious closing number about Pointing Your Finger.

Oh and did I mention I was challenged? Yeah. At one point the lucid and energetic MC made the challenge from the stage, Peter Boyce, Experience Tent is challenging Bacchanal Time to a clash. It was like the voice of the Lord was talking to me and I was scared, “Bacchanal Time vs. Experience Tent” Hmm what do you think? I make it a point never to go up against anyone who has the Lord on their side, that’s why I stick to opposing NCF.

In Summary however my Experience experience was a good experience. They should get a lot of people in the semi finals, however some one from Bacchanal Time will still win! (You know I must plug myself)

^{1. Must clarify this as MADD has a song comparing women to food named Looka de Food on Some Like It Hott 1997 album. Now available on Madd’s Greatest Hits!}