The B in Batman does not stand for bakes…

I learnt that the hard way when I went in de theatre this week, or for international readers I went to the cinema, here in Barbados we call going to the cinema going in de theater (or theatha).   
But I digress, back to my point.
I went to the Olympus cinema concession snack bar before and decided to take a chance and order my favorite bajan snack,
So I gave my order to the cute female attendant  “I would like to have a large pop corn a small coke and ……ahm  3 bakes!…” 

“3 wha?” the attendant exclaimed looking at me like I was the joker in the Batman movie I was going to see. 

“Bakes” I responded “B.A.K.E.S bakes” I spelt it out for her so it would be crystal clear what I desired.

“I am sorry sir we don’t sell bakes here, do you want a hot dog or some Nachos?”.

I don’t even know what the ass is a nacho, I did feel like cursing she and introducing her to a Bajan word that starts with “R”, but I controlled my self.

“I don’t want no stinking nachos” I retorted “ I want bakes!
by this time my sons who I had taken to the cinema had move away not wanting to be associated with my vociferous bake behaviour.
I contemplated asking to see the manager but by this time I could see security beginning assemble around me, I did not get the impression they were there for to assist me in my ordering.

 So I had a decision to make…
The question I asked my self was, should I stand up for my bake principles risked being unceremoniously thrown out the cinema not seeing Batman, being disowned by my sons rebuked by my Christian wife or should I eat the stinking Americanized snack like a wimp….?    

Well I gotta tell yuh, the hot dog went down pretty good, and the coca cola too. 
I put extra bajan pepper sauce on it to Barbadianise it…

That’s how I discovered the B in Batman does not stand for bakes!

Boyce Gripe;I think we have a serious cultural problem when you go to the concession at the movies and can’t get a Bajan snack.
Yuh cant get a glass of mauby just bare fizzy drinks mashing up yuh stomach and giving yuh ulcers.
You can’t get a cheese cutter, years ago I remember buying cheese cutters in the Bridgetown Olympic cinema, dem days done!
They now even now selling Chinese food in the Olympus like we in BEJING, but yuh can’t get a bake.
That’s why so much of we Bajans talking like Americans because of all the American food we eating.
It is because of all the American and Chinese food they keep forcing on us that are making us lose our cultural identity and run slow and got the West Indies can’t win at Cricket. This is a matter that needs to be addressed with utmost bake-ency!

Usain the Yam eater

What did you eat for breakfast this morning?
If you did not eat yams then you did not eat the breakfast of champions.
That’s what the fastest man in the world Jamaican Usain Bolt eats that according to him helped him to win the 100m race in 9.69 seconds in the Beijing.
Yams Dumplings and Green Bananas to be precise is the breakfast that Usain eats that gives him that incredible speed.
Usain’s secret is not Powerade, nor Gatorade nor Monsta nor Red Bull! He does not take Ginseng or no Vitamin B injections.
  Usain is proud and strong Jamaican YAM EATER.

So back to you, what did you eat for breakfast? Did you eat scrambled eggs, bacon and hot dogs?
You should be shame…… 
People like you make me sick; you have been ignoring good old fashion “ground provisions’ and eating all sorts of processed food.
When was the last time you eat piece of green bananas? When was the last time you eat a dumpling? Do you even know what a dumpling is?
Some of you have not eating been eating breakfast home but not waiting till u get work and having coffee and bagels and doughnuts and all sorts of igrunt food.
That why you can’t run to save your life… stop reading this now get up from your computer run out in the road and come back…..!

See how out of breath you are? That’s all the bagels, egg yolks and pork bacon keeping you back, choking your heart.
You need to start eating Yams, Dumplings and Green Bananas. You letting the Americans fool you into buying all their commercialized processed health products and ignoring our indigenous Caribbean roots. Its time to reverse that process, Eat a Yam today, Run fast tomorrow!
If it’s good enough for Usain Bolt it is good enough for you!

Picture of Yam and Sweet patato for people who play them aint know

Woman digging Yams, the exercise of harvesting them alone will make you fit….

Boyce Note: Be carefull with the Yam eating as it is not good to increase your speed at every thing… if you know what i mean… A word to the wise is enough

I consider it a very serious accusation, a written utterance which sought to cast aspersions on my character.
On Boyce Voice.com  “Piggles” made a comment that he or she or it went to a Banks Cable and Wireless Cavalcade where I stated there would be bakes selling but alas there where none. In other words he or she called me a bake liar aka bake prevaricator.
He accused me of false advertising. I was going to write a post and curse Piggles like how I did Wendy Burke and will do to Bajan Reporter but Darron (site Administrator) has this strange nise idea I should refrain from busing our loyal readers.

In an effort to then prove I am indeed a bake lover and not a bake liar, I present the below photographic evidence.

 Here I am at the Vintage Banks Cable and Wireless Cavalcade last night in Lowlands St Lucy, do you see what is in my hands and what I am eating?
That’s Right, IT IS A BAKE! Yuh idiot, view it and weep.

 
In the above picture there is a photo which proves the bakes were on sale evidenced by the fact that they are listed on said menu, at the ridiculously low price of .50 cents

Here is a shot of bake batter being dropped into the frying pan, it’s a special art and not many people can do it, the oil must be at a specific temperature and your hand must be at a specific angle to the position of the frying pan.
*Warning: Do not try this at home as Boyce Voice will not be responsible for “bake igrunt” people who go attempting this and burn their hands, or worse burn the bakes.

This is a wide shot of the women frying the bakesaka Bake fryers, these ladies are making a significant contribution to our culinary cultural arts, they are holding the fort against the onslaught of foreign “finger lickin” food imports which seeks to impede on our local gastronomical traditions and erode our cultural identity. May the good lord bless them, or their bakes.

 
This is a shot a shot of finish bakes, I am so sorry that Boyce Voice.com has not reached the stage where we can get the aroma of  bakes to come through your computer.
It was indeed a splendiferous privilege to stand in awe in the presence of freshly fried bakes and rejoice to their delicious existence.

 
Here is a shot of the staff at the Community Vibes stall, don’t they look spendiferiously happy? That’s how you look when you work where bakes are made.
To the bake detractors who claimed I was lying with my bake utterances cower in the face of this photographic bake proof presented in this post, I rebuke you in the name of bakes, be awed with the knowledge that I am indeed not a bake liar but a bake lover!

Bakes by Rico 

For those of you who do not know or play you don’t know…The item of food you see above is the old time bajan delicacy known as bakes!
I recently spoke to the issue of bakes being missing from the breakfast menu of the official  Crop Over launch recently staged by the NCF,
They were some disparaging remarks dropped some people (would not call Asiba name to embarrass him) talking bout “bakes got in cholesterol”.

For years we bajan children were raised up eating bakes as a staple meal, all of a sudden we look at them and scoff and talk bout “cholesterol”.
As far as I know bakes are made with flour water sugar and salt, cholesterol is not one of the ingredients.

What has in more cholesterol than Kentucky Fried Chicken but we eat that and “skin we teet” and say it is “finger licking good”. Well we need to start eating bakes and licking we fingers too. 

The problem with we is that we have no respect for we own, that is why our food import bill is so damn high. Case in point, tamarinds! When I was growing up you would just go under a tree and pick up tamarinds.
Nowadays if we want tamarinds we go in price mart and pick them up, imported from Hong Kong complete with Chinese writing on the box.
We will start appreciating bakes when they are imported in a fancy box from Japan and available at Price Mart.

The bakes you see above were made for me by my son Rico, his grandmother taught him how to make them, he does ”Food and Nutrition” at Alexandra school they did not teach him how to make them there. Bakes need to be placed on the cooking syllabus of Bajan schools.

This is one of the reasons for the constant decline of the good old time bajan morals of our society. We need to go back looking out for our neighbors, we need to go back to roasting breadfruit and for crying out loud, we need to go back to eating bakes!

P.S; I ate the bakes above and they were delicious!

Boyce is leaving the computer licking his fingers…

Wow! Talk about lucky, I went to the beach yesterday for my daily run, and happened to butt up on a photo shoot featuring not one, not two, but five beautiful curvaceous female models.
The photographer was there clicking away and the make up guy was running in “happily” adding finishing touches to the girls.
The make up guy is my subject here; he seemed to be gay, as usual.
Why do make up men always seem to be gay? All the productions I have been involved in when ever a make up person is involved and it’s a man it always seems to be a gay man.
Even when you are watching an international modeling show on TV, and the make up man is featured he always seem to be a bubbly happy “gay” kinda girl …. Sorry I meant guy.

I know you will start saying how I can look at some body and say they are Gay, if you can’t observe when a person seems to have an extra gay pep in their step and touch of femininity in their vocal variety that’s your business.
I don’t get the impression they are trying to hide it any way.

Is it that when you fill out a form to do a cosmetic course there is a question asking “are you gay?” And if you tick no they turn you down?

How do they go about enforcing a criteria where mostly gay people end up in a profession then?

Notice the bangle the make up guy is wearing? I rest my case

To summarize my point for the purposes of clarity; I am not saying ALL make up men are gay; I am just saying that MOST SEEM to be…
I get the impression they prefer gay people around the models so the girls would be safe… maybe that’s so…

I am not telling you to go out and start attacking make up people either and talk bout Boyce Voice encourage you cause you would be an ass, oops that might attract some people…. But really you would be a major jack ass! What people do in the privacy of their bedroom home and M.L cars is their own business.

I simply made an observation, I hope the cosmetic people out there reading this don’t get offended, next time you see me on TV and face looks off, it will be the make up guy getting back at me..

P.S: you always put on make up when you go on TV so don’t think nothing funny…

.

It was announced yesterday that Mr Ian Estwick previous Chief Executive Officer of the National Cultural Foundation, effective from today 1st April would be appointed Minister of Culture replacing Mr Steve Blackette.

Prime Minister David Thompson stated that after all the good work that Estwick had done as NCF CEO it was only fitting he should be aptly rewarded for his sterling cultural contributions.
In fact Estwick had been removed from NCF with the objective of promoting him to this position in the first place.

Minister of Culture Estwick will be now have even more authority and responsibility for moving cultural industry forward to a new era of entrepreneurial commercialization that will benefit all.
Estwick stated he was looking forward to serving in his new Ministerial post and one of his first objectives will be to have Peter Boyce appointed as his Permanent Secretary (PS) which is what he feels Boyce deserves.

Here’s Carolann “Ms Molly” Scantlebury, Tammy “Hott” and Alison “Foxy Boxy” Hinds playing “working” girls in the “Best of Barbados Gone Madd” comedy sketch, wonder how much they are worth?

Boyce Voice was sent this hilarious joke by reader Adrian, I thought it was funny as hell so thought I would share it with you…

This Bajan was on holiday in Thailand with his wife,so hearing about famous
Thai massages he decides to get one.
He goes to this massage parlour and goes into this room,the most beautiful woman he has set eyes on appears and he asks her how much it will cost,she says a $1000.00.
He stupes and said he was only willing to pay $200.00 and $1000.00 is too much and walks out.
Later that night he is standing outside his hotel with his wife waiting for
a taxi and he spots the girl from the massage parlour across the road.The
girl from the massage parlour sees him and shouts…. Fool, you see what
you get when you pay $200.00.

Here’s what you get when you pay $8000.00 though it will cost you your political career (ask Ex U.S Attorney General Speitzer) picture well displays the assets of the “lady” and what she has for sale…

This is a very pussy story…..
Why do cats come when you call “puss puss”? Have you ever wondered about that?
From the time I was growing up I was amazed by that. If you want a cat to come and you say “Puss Puss Puss” in an effeminate high pitch tone. the puss actually responds and comes…

Isn’t that freaking amazing?
Who do heck teaches them to do it, is it like God or something?
How does the cat know that it should come when it hears puss puss and not tut tut?

It’s an animal how can it tell the difference?
Next time you are by a cat try saying “Tut Tut” and see if it comes, I will bet you it doesn’t. It only comes when it hears a certain thing. “puss puss”

a little puss can frighten even big men

Another thing, supposing it is a cat that lives in Germany would you then have to say “puss puss” in German?
Our German friends should be able to answer that. If it is a cat that lives in Spain would you then have to say Puss Puss in Spanish?
And if you went to a cat that lived in Spain and said puss puss would it not respond because it cannot understand English?
How would you get a spanish pussy to come?

If you say Puss Puss in a deep voice cats do not respond, you have to say it in an effeminate tone, so don’t go with no gruff voice hollering for “Puss Puss” and expect the puss to come.
They are very sensitive.

Let sleeping cats lie

Some men are into cats in a very big way
In “Laff it off” production, a wife told a story of her cat and how her husband loved it, he would just play with his wife’s cat all through the day, then the husband died and the cat suffered, so the lady took her cat to the doctor and he told her she will now have to play with her cat herself… But it was not the same for the little pussy…

A cat playing with itself ….

For your edification Boyce is releasing some audio cds that should enlighten you on your cat calling techniques, after you listen to them, you will be able to get your puss to come and come again.
Until then you should practice, call a cat today and see if you can get it to come…

Some puss love dogs ..

Some cats like other cats

Some cats like to “bite” other cats

And thats the end of our little Pussy story!

Ashley “Honey Money” Dupre

Do you know who Ashley Alexandra Dupre is?
You soon will, she is on her way to fame and fortune, Ahsley is the 22 year old call girl that Governor of New York Eliot Spitzer paid thousands of dollars for her sexual services, an act which is now costing him his political career.

Lets not digress people, let us stick too Ashley, well as much as we can afford to being she costs thousands of dollars a “stick”. In Barbados and the Caribbean, when you are exposed as woman of dissolute nature who exchanges money for sex, you are known as a whore and people whisper behind your back and call you slutty names.

In America now the same act can get you instant fame and a book and movie deal leading to untold fortunes.
In America selling your “honey” can put you in the money, depending on who you are selling it too.
Since Ahley’s whorish activities have been exposed over 5 million people have visited her MySpace page to view her photos, music and biographical information.
Ashley is not only good on the “mike” in the bedroom (thousands of dollars worth) but she’s also good on the real mike as well (if you can’t figure that out you are an ass).
Ashley also sings and actually went to New York to pursue a musical career, whoring was just to a way to pay the bills at the end of the month. So now the two songs she did are selling like hot cakes on the net. And of course a label is showing an interest in signing her up, next she will sell her side of the story to “The Enquirer” and write a tell all book of which Universal Studios will buy the rights and the movie will be directed by Oliver stone.To show you how famous Ashley is becoming, you are now reading about her on Boyce Voice, last month we would not have given a rat’s ass about her.
The Ahley Dupre situation epitomizes how sexual notoriety can be used in America to achieve instant fame. This reminds me my favorite classic Eddie Murphy comedy sketch where he plays a pimp selling a book on “How to be a prostitute”; Eddie’s pimp punch line was “Be some body …. Be a hoe”

Before I Go, a Boyce Voice Quiz:

Question: What do you call a West Indian Politician who pays money for honey?

Answer; A West Indian Politician! As that sort of thing does not cause a stir down here,

Governor Spitzer; “Damn! why did I spend my money on that young honey?”

It is a picture of a Rock you idiot, you don’t know what a Bajan rock look like? I had to caption it…? cheese don bread..

When I first started writing Boyce voice I had a couple of ideas as to how it could be an interesting site that people would want to visit.
One of the ideas I put to Darron was to have an element of “gossip” where you give readers some glimpses into the personal lives of bajan personalities similar to the drivel publications I criticized yesterday.

So Boyce Voice would have done some bits about Lil Rick’s personal life, who Jon Doe is seeing on the side and about DJ Dave Smooth’s “play ground”.
Would have gotten some hot news on Alison Hinds and dug up something about Edwin not about who is the “Voice in his head” but who is the new voice whispering in his ear.
Then I would have done a piece on Peter Ram and where he got his last name from.

I was all fired up and ready to go, then it dawned on me how big Jon doe is, Could you imagine dropping a remark about Jon Doe and having him come to look for you?
Not to mention Peter Ram, Ram is a serious man when it comes to those things,
As for Lil Rick the Hypa Dog, I don’t think it would be any fun being attacked by a dog. Believe me, Rick and ram are people you do not want to get on the wrong side of.
I was going to do a piece on who Santia is seeing now since she is too small to attack me, then I realize she was a lawyer and could sue my ass to kingdom come

Then I realized people like Dave Smooth are on the radio constantly and would just take an afternoon and castigate me on the air, or Alison Hinds would just meet me and knock me down with her behind.
When I started to consider the dangers of being attacked physically and verbally by enraged entertainers I decided it would be safer to stick to attacking the Government, NCF and the Police.
I also remembered the saying’s ‘people who live in glass houses should not pelt rocks” and “let him who is with out sin throw the first boulder”, take those wise words with you as you go through your day.

Boyce is leaving the computer as a Rock comes flying through screen….