Bakes by Rico 

For those of you who do not know or play you don’t know…The item of food you see above is the old time bajan delicacy known as bakes!
I recently spoke to the issue of bakes being missing from the breakfast menu of the official  Crop Over launch recently staged by the NCF,
They were some disparaging remarks dropped some people (would not call Asiba name to embarrass him) talking bout “bakes got in cholesterol”.

For years we bajan children were raised up eating bakes as a staple meal, all of a sudden we look at them and scoff and talk bout “cholesterol”.
As far as I know bakes are made with flour water sugar and salt, cholesterol is not one of the ingredients.

What has in more cholesterol than Kentucky Fried Chicken but we eat that and “skin we teet” and say it is “finger licking good”. Well we need to start eating bakes and licking we fingers too. 

The problem with we is that we have no respect for we own, that is why our food import bill is so damn high. Case in point, tamarinds! When I was growing up you would just go under a tree and pick up tamarinds.
Nowadays if we want tamarinds we go in price mart and pick them up, imported from Hong Kong complete with Chinese writing on the box.
We will start appreciating bakes when they are imported in a fancy box from Japan and available at Price Mart.

The bakes you see above were made for me by my son Rico, his grandmother taught him how to make them, he does ”Food and Nutrition” at Alexandra school they did not teach him how to make them there. Bakes need to be placed on the cooking syllabus of Bajan schools.

This is one of the reasons for the constant decline of the good old time bajan morals of our society. We need to go back looking out for our neighbors, we need to go back to roasting breadfruit and for crying out loud, we need to go back to eating bakes!

P.S; I ate the bakes above and they were delicious!

Boyce is leaving the computer licking his fingers…

Wow! Talk about lucky, I went to the beach yesterday for my daily run, and happened to butt up on a photo shoot featuring not one, not two, but five beautiful curvaceous female models.
The photographer was there clicking away and the make up guy was running in “happily” adding finishing touches to the girls.
The make up guy is my subject here; he seemed to be gay, as usual.
Why do make up men always seem to be gay? All the productions I have been involved in when ever a make up person is involved and it’s a man it always seems to be a gay man.
Even when you are watching an international modeling show on TV, and the make up man is featured he always seem to be a bubbly happy “gay” kinda girl …. Sorry I meant guy.

I know you will start saying how I can look at some body and say they are Gay, if you can’t observe when a person seems to have an extra gay pep in their step and touch of femininity in their vocal variety that’s your business.
I don’t get the impression they are trying to hide it any way.

Is it that when you fill out a form to do a cosmetic course there is a question asking “are you gay?” And if you tick no they turn you down?

How do they go about enforcing a criteria where mostly gay people end up in a profession then?

Notice the bangle the make up guy is wearing? I rest my case

To summarize my point for the purposes of clarity; I am not saying ALL make up men are gay; I am just saying that MOST SEEM to be…
I get the impression they prefer gay people around the models so the girls would be safe… maybe that’s so…

I am not telling you to go out and start attacking make up people either and talk bout Boyce Voice encourage you cause you would be an ass, oops that might attract some people…. But really you would be a major jack ass! What people do in the privacy of their bedroom home and M.L cars is their own business.

I simply made an observation, I hope the cosmetic people out there reading this don’t get offended, next time you see me on TV and face looks off, it will be the make up guy getting back at me..

P.S: you always put on make up when you go on TV so don’t think nothing funny…

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It was announced yesterday that Mr Ian Estwick previous Chief Executive Officer of the National Cultural Foundation, effective from today 1st April would be appointed Minister of Culture replacing Mr Steve Blackette.

Prime Minister David Thompson stated that after all the good work that Estwick had done as NCF CEO it was only fitting he should be aptly rewarded for his sterling cultural contributions.
In fact Estwick had been removed from NCF with the objective of promoting him to this position in the first place.

Minister of Culture Estwick will be now have even more authority and responsibility for moving cultural industry forward to a new era of entrepreneurial commercialization that will benefit all.
Estwick stated he was looking forward to serving in his new Ministerial post and one of his first objectives will be to have Peter Boyce appointed as his Permanent Secretary (PS) which is what he feels Boyce deserves.

Here’s Carolann “Ms Molly” Scantlebury, Tammy “Hott” and Alison “Foxy Boxy” Hinds playing “working” girls in the “Best of Barbados Gone Madd” comedy sketch, wonder how much they are worth?

Boyce Voice was sent this hilarious joke by reader Adrian, I thought it was funny as hell so thought I would share it with you…

This Bajan was on holiday in Thailand with his wife,so hearing about famous
Thai massages he decides to get one.
He goes to this massage parlour and goes into this room,the most beautiful woman he has set eyes on appears and he asks her how much it will cost,she says a $1000.00.
He stupes and said he was only willing to pay $200.00 and $1000.00 is too much and walks out.
Later that night he is standing outside his hotel with his wife waiting for
a taxi and he spots the girl from the massage parlour across the road.The
girl from the massage parlour sees him and shouts…. Fool, you see what
you get when you pay $200.00.

Here’s what you get when you pay $8000.00 though it will cost you your political career (ask Ex U.S Attorney General Speitzer) picture well displays the assets of the “lady” and what she has for sale…

This is a very pussy story…..
Why do cats come when you call “puss puss”? Have you ever wondered about that?
From the time I was growing up I was amazed by that. If you want a cat to come and you say “Puss Puss Puss” in an effeminate high pitch tone. the puss actually responds and comes…

Isn’t that freaking amazing?
Who do heck teaches them to do it, is it like God or something?
How does the cat know that it should come when it hears puss puss and not tut tut?

It’s an animal how can it tell the difference?
Next time you are by a cat try saying “Tut Tut” and see if it comes, I will bet you it doesn’t. It only comes when it hears a certain thing. “puss puss”

a little puss can frighten even big men

Another thing, supposing it is a cat that lives in Germany would you then have to say “puss puss” in German?
Our German friends should be able to answer that. If it is a cat that lives in Spain would you then have to say Puss Puss in Spanish?
And if you went to a cat that lived in Spain and said puss puss would it not respond because it cannot understand English?
How would you get a spanish pussy to come?

If you say Puss Puss in a deep voice cats do not respond, you have to say it in an effeminate tone, so don’t go with no gruff voice hollering for “Puss Puss” and expect the puss to come.
They are very sensitive.

Let sleeping cats lie

Some men are into cats in a very big way
In “Laff it off” production, a wife told a story of her cat and how her husband loved it, he would just play with his wife’s cat all through the day, then the husband died and the cat suffered, so the lady took her cat to the doctor and he told her she will now have to play with her cat herself… But it was not the same for the little pussy…

A cat playing with itself ….

For your edification Boyce is releasing some audio cds that should enlighten you on your cat calling techniques, after you listen to them, you will be able to get your puss to come and come again.
Until then you should practice, call a cat today and see if you can get it to come…

Some puss love dogs ..

Some cats like other cats

Some cats like to “bite” other cats

And thats the end of our little Pussy story!

Ashley “Honey Money” Dupre

Do you know who Ashley Alexandra Dupre is?
You soon will, she is on her way to fame and fortune, Ahsley is the 22 year old call girl that Governor of New York Eliot Spitzer paid thousands of dollars for her sexual services, an act which is now costing him his political career.

Lets not digress people, let us stick too Ashley, well as much as we can afford to being she costs thousands of dollars a “stick”. In Barbados and the Caribbean, when you are exposed as woman of dissolute nature who exchanges money for sex, you are known as a whore and people whisper behind your back and call you slutty names.

In America now the same act can get you instant fame and a book and movie deal leading to untold fortunes.
In America selling your “honey” can put you in the money, depending on who you are selling it too.
Since Ahley’s whorish activities have been exposed over 5 million people have visited her MySpace page to view her photos, music and biographical information.
Ashley is not only good on the “mike” in the bedroom (thousands of dollars worth) but she’s also good on the real mike as well (if you can’t figure that out you are an ass).
Ashley also sings and actually went to New York to pursue a musical career, whoring was just to a way to pay the bills at the end of the month. So now the two songs she did are selling like hot cakes on the net. And of course a label is showing an interest in signing her up, next she will sell her side of the story to “The Enquirer” and write a tell all book of which Universal Studios will buy the rights and the movie will be directed by Oliver stone.To show you how famous Ashley is becoming, you are now reading about her on Boyce Voice, last month we would not have given a rat’s ass about her.
The Ahley Dupre situation epitomizes how sexual notoriety can be used in America to achieve instant fame. This reminds me my favorite classic Eddie Murphy comedy sketch where he plays a pimp selling a book on “How to be a prostitute”; Eddie’s pimp punch line was “Be some body …. Be a hoe”

Before I Go, a Boyce Voice Quiz:

Question: What do you call a West Indian Politician who pays money for honey?

Answer; A West Indian Politician! As that sort of thing does not cause a stir down here,

Governor Spitzer; “Damn! why did I spend my money on that young honey?”

It is a picture of a Rock you idiot, you don’t know what a Bajan rock look like? I had to caption it…? cheese don bread..

When I first started writing Boyce voice I had a couple of ideas as to how it could be an interesting site that people would want to visit.
One of the ideas I put to Darron was to have an element of “gossip” where you give readers some glimpses into the personal lives of bajan personalities similar to the drivel publications I criticized yesterday.

So Boyce Voice would have done some bits about Lil Rick’s personal life, who Jon Doe is seeing on the side and about DJ Dave Smooth’s “play ground”.
Would have gotten some hot news on Alison Hinds and dug up something about Edwin not about who is the “Voice in his head” but who is the new voice whispering in his ear.
Then I would have done a piece on Peter Ram and where he got his last name from.

I was all fired up and ready to go, then it dawned on me how big Jon doe is, Could you imagine dropping a remark about Jon Doe and having him come to look for you?
Not to mention Peter Ram, Ram is a serious man when it comes to those things,
As for Lil Rick the Hypa Dog, I don’t think it would be any fun being attacked by a dog. Believe me, Rick and ram are people you do not want to get on the wrong side of.
I was going to do a piece on who Santia is seeing now since she is too small to attack me, then I realize she was a lawyer and could sue my ass to kingdom come

Then I realized people like Dave Smooth are on the radio constantly and would just take an afternoon and castigate me on the air, or Alison Hinds would just meet me and knock me down with her behind.
When I started to consider the dangers of being attacked physically and verbally by enraged entertainers I decided it would be safer to stick to attacking the Government, NCF and the Police.
I also remembered the saying’s ‘people who live in glass houses should not pelt rocks” and “let him who is with out sin throw the first boulder”, take those wise words with you as you go through your day.

Boyce is leaving the computer as a Rock comes flying through screen….

I am always letting out my deep dark secrets in this blog here’s a next which a lot of people do not know.

I am a Michael Jackson fan!
I think his “Dangerous” CD is one of the greatest albums ever made, I even like it more than the mega hit “Thriller”.
I have not liked any thing he has done recently but his past hits “Smooth Criminal”, “Dirty Diana” “Man in the Mirror” even “Ben” I think they are the greatest ever.

Of course what Michael Jackson has become famous for these days, admitting you are a fan of his is not a good thing. Referring here to those child molestation allegations which brought down his career.
Also, admitting you are a fan of a 49 year old man who talks like a 9 year old girl and has hair and wears make up like a 39 year woman is not cool, I should say I am a fan of his music and not of him.

Here’s a tip I have learnt; Never drive your car and listen to Michael Jackson music up loud!
One morning I was driving my car listening to “Smooth Criminal” with the volume up and I happened to slow down by a bus stop, so there I am singing the chorus “Annie you OK, are you OK Annie” to the top of my voice and dancing as much as I can while behind the wheel of a car. Then I turned and made eye contact with scores of people at the bus stop looking at me in shock. There were some school boys who looked particularly horrified, like they were going to pick up their feet and run at my slightest movement. Its like everyone was thinking “there’s one of them Michael Jackson pervert freaks!”
Don’t let that happen to you people, keep your Michael Jackson addition “in the closet”.
Well now you know another one of my secrets, at least I am man enough to say it out loud.
I LOVE MICHAEL JACKSON! Well at least his music that is, just don’t let any one know, keep it between us on Boyce Voice.

Boyce is moon walking away from the computer…

Serious entertainment analysis of Michael Jackson  coming soon!

Today Beware of naked babies with wings shooting sharp edged love missiles

Happy Valentines! Have a wonderful day and all that crap,Valentines is the time you go out and spend money buying some irrelevant Nick knack in an effort to prove your love as if spending the thousands you did during the year has not made that point.

We also go to extremes in order to prove our love. I heard an ad on the radio where a massage salon was inviting women to come and get a “sweet scrub” which consisted of chocolate being scrubbed into your skin so you would literally become “sweet”.

If this sounds similar its because our ex banks calender girl Saskia did it already, and got in trouble for it too. They should call it the “Saskia Scrub”.

Well I don’t know about you but a woman who has been scrubbed down with chocolate presents certain challenges.

1. No woman ent bringing she chocolate self in my bed,imagine what that will do with your sheets, I would have to ask she if she gun wash dem..
2. Does chocolate make a good lubricant? now I am not saying that you will need a lubricant, I am just asking a question. Maybe you should try a thing and then comment and tell me.
3. Watch out for strange “bitings”!You might get bite but not the bite you would like. Chocolate attracts flies and ants not to mention mice, next thing the woman would be lying in the bed, feel a nibble, start to feel sweet thinking it is you and it would be a rat, you could imagine being horned by a rat? I don’t think so..

Ladies and Gentlemen the more knowledgeable among would know that a “sweet” woman doesn’t have any thing to do with chocolate, other wise every Pat, Shirley and Natalie would rub down in chocolate and be sweet.

It is the sweetness that comes from within, that amorously captivates and bewitches, puts men in a euphoric stupor and makes them do igrunt things, and women too that why even them are “biting” now..

Well not wanting to bite off more than I can chew, I now bring this post to a sweet close.
Happy Valentines from Boyce Voice!

P.S; Any women out there who after reading this are still desirous of being scrubbed down in chocolate, I have bought a few bars of Cadbury and would do the job, for a price…

It is hilarious! You will laugh till yuh we wee yuh self, which could be pretty embarrassing if you happen to have a date with you… What am I blogging about? Laff It Off 2008 “We Still Hey” comedy show now on every Saturday at St. Gabriel’s School. Laff It Off features stellar performances from Jherad Allyene, Simon Allyene and more.

You have got to see Chrispen Hackett as PM David Thompson and Marcia Burrowes as CBC’s Derri Bowen. Speaking of CBC, see Peta Allyene in her famous “Mia” role locking off the neck and sharing some blows in “Owen”. See the hilarious characters on David Estwick, Patricia Inniss and of course Clyde Mascol.

You have got to see the Barbados Top Model sketch. I especially liked the characterization of Ishiaka McNeil as judge Kingsley Thorne, it is to die for.

It would be remiss of me not to mention there seems to be a skit that features a little creative piece set in Roman times which mentions Boyceus and Estwickus. They seemed be referring to me Boyceus as a bulla. Ishiaka who played the bulla part already got in trouble for charactering a certain local singer in a gayfull manner last year, and the said singer had brief conversation with him and threatened to lick him up. Unfortunately for me I have no such skills but I do plan to call Cecily Spencer Cross the producer and buse her silly.

What is touching and effective is the footage of the late Wendell Smith doing some comedic scenes; he continues to make a contribution even though he has passed on.

So don’t miss Laff It Off 2008. Its so funny. You might experience some involuntary urination. It will not be so cool when your date sniffs and asks “wha is da that smell so pissy?” and you have to say it is you….