I am always letting out my deep dark secrets in this blog here’s a next which a lot of people do not know.

I am a Michael Jackson fan!
I think his “Dangerous” CD is one of the greatest albums ever made, I even like it more than the mega hit “Thriller”.
I have not liked any thing he has done recently but his past hits “Smooth Criminal”, “Dirty Diana” “Man in the Mirror” even “Ben” I think they are the greatest ever.

Of course what Michael Jackson has become famous for these days, admitting you are a fan of his is not a good thing. Referring here to those child molestation allegations which brought down his career.
Also, admitting you are a fan of a 49 year old man who talks like a 9 year old girl and has hair and wears make up like a 39 year woman is not cool, I should say I am a fan of his music and not of him.

Here’s a tip I have learnt; Never drive your car and listen to Michael Jackson music up loud!
One morning I was driving my car listening to “Smooth Criminal” with the volume up and I happened to slow down by a bus stop, so there I am singing the chorus “Annie you OK, are you OK Annie” to the top of my voice and dancing as much as I can while behind the wheel of a car. Then I turned and made eye contact with scores of people at the bus stop looking at me in shock. There were some school boys who looked particularly horrified, like they were going to pick up their feet and run at my slightest movement. Its like everyone was thinking “there’s one of them Michael Jackson pervert freaks!”
Don’t let that happen to you people, keep your Michael Jackson addition “in the closet”.
Well now you know another one of my secrets, at least I am man enough to say it out loud.
I LOVE MICHAEL JACKSON! Well at least his music that is, just don’t let any one know, keep it between us on Boyce Voice.

Boyce is moon walking away from the computer…

Serious entertainment analysis of Michael Jackson  coming soon!

Today Beware of naked babies with wings shooting sharp edged love missiles

Happy Valentines! Have a wonderful day and all that crap,Valentines is the time you go out and spend money buying some irrelevant Nick knack in an effort to prove your love as if spending the thousands you did during the year has not made that point.

We also go to extremes in order to prove our love. I heard an ad on the radio where a massage salon was inviting women to come and get a “sweet scrub” which consisted of chocolate being scrubbed into your skin so you would literally become “sweet”.

If this sounds similar its because our ex banks calender girl Saskia did it already, and got in trouble for it too. They should call it the “Saskia Scrub”.

Well I don’t know about you but a woman who has been scrubbed down with chocolate presents certain challenges.

1. No woman ent bringing she chocolate self in my bed,imagine what that will do with your sheets, I would have to ask she if she gun wash dem..
2. Does chocolate make a good lubricant? now I am not saying that you will need a lubricant, I am just asking a question. Maybe you should try a thing and then comment and tell me.
3. Watch out for strange “bitings”!You might get bite but not the bite you would like. Chocolate attracts flies and ants not to mention mice, next thing the woman would be lying in the bed, feel a nibble, start to feel sweet thinking it is you and it would be a rat, you could imagine being horned by a rat? I don’t think so..

Ladies and Gentlemen the more knowledgeable among would know that a “sweet” woman doesn’t have any thing to do with chocolate, other wise every Pat, Shirley and Natalie would rub down in chocolate and be sweet.

It is the sweetness that comes from within, that amorously captivates and bewitches, puts men in a euphoric stupor and makes them do igrunt things, and women too that why even them are “biting” now..

Well not wanting to bite off more than I can chew, I now bring this post to a sweet close.
Happy Valentines from Boyce Voice!

P.S; Any women out there who after reading this are still desirous of being scrubbed down in chocolate, I have bought a few bars of Cadbury and would do the job, for a price…

It is hilarious! You will laugh till yuh we wee yuh self, which could be pretty embarrassing if you happen to have a date with you… What am I blogging about? Laff It Off 2008 “We Still Hey” comedy show now on every Saturday at St. Gabriel’s School. Laff It Off features stellar performances from Jherad Allyene, Simon Allyene and more.

You have got to see Chrispen Hackett as PM David Thompson and Marcia Burrowes as CBC’s Derri Bowen. Speaking of CBC, see Peta Allyene in her famous “Mia” role locking off the neck and sharing some blows in “Owen”. See the hilarious characters on David Estwick, Patricia Inniss and of course Clyde Mascol.

You have got to see the Barbados Top Model sketch. I especially liked the characterization of Ishiaka McNeil as judge Kingsley Thorne, it is to die for.

It would be remiss of me not to mention there seems to be a skit that features a little creative piece set in Roman times which mentions Boyceus and Estwickus. They seemed be referring to me Boyceus as a bulla. Ishiaka who played the bulla part already got in trouble for charactering a certain local singer in a gayfull manner last year, and the said singer had brief conversation with him and threatened to lick him up. Unfortunately for me I have no such skills but I do plan to call Cecily Spencer Cross the producer and buse her silly.

What is touching and effective is the footage of the late Wendell Smith doing some comedic scenes; he continues to make a contribution even though he has passed on.

So don’t miss Laff It Off 2008. Its so funny. You might experience some involuntary urination. It will not be so cool when your date sniffs and asks “wha is da that smell so pissy?” and you have to say it is you….

“There are men and there are women. There are men who want to become women and women who want to become men. We need to make it clear that this article focuses on the male to female sex change, because it’s much more common than the alternative (female to male). But the resources with which we’ll provide you are generally helpful, no matter what your situation may be…”

That is an excerpt from a “Sex Change” website I was reading. This could be the last time I am writing to you as a man….

I have been surfing the net investigating what it costs to get one of those “sex operations” for 2 reasons.

1. I would get to use the women’s bathrooms which are always cleaner.
2. I would get discovered and get to make it big in the United States

A commentator asked the question on Boyce Voice, how come only Bajan females are being discovered and I realised it was true. If you look on the front of the Barbados Music Awards Magazine you would see 3 bajans getting big U.S recording contracts and ALL OF THEM ARE WOMEN!!

Rihanna, Shontelle and now Livvi Franc, not one single man. Don’t we have a single talented male in Barbados?

It’s not that I have a problem with women making it big as I like women bad! If you read Khaidji’s comment to my Tribute to Rihanna, She Looks Like Food post below calling me a pervert you would see how that “like” gets me in trouble. But I still feel at some point in time they should give a man a break.

Is this some sort of gender bias that exists? I should have accosted Evan Rogers with that question when he was at the Barbados Music Awards. I should have spoken to him “man to man”.

We got Philip 7 and Hal Linton and Ronnie Morris, J KO. You mean not a single one of them could get discovered? I would bet if Hal Linton were a woman he would have a big recording contract ever since.

I have given up, if you need to be a woman to be discovered well, I will be a woman then…!
And since I am not fond of men, I plan to become a lesbian woman (not the agressive “biting’ type though) My name will be “Petra”. So look out for Petra making it big in the U.S soon…

PLUS I will get to use women’s bathrooms, aint it cool??

Next new bajan artiste being signed to United States record Deal “Petra”

I came across this picture of the Rihanna, winner of the Barbados Music Awards Female Entertainer of the year,I was quite taken then…

I had to get up from the computer and walk a bit to calm myself. This woman look so good then, now here’s a woman who looks like food!
I am sure the men out there would be quite taken by this picture and some women too

Just look at Rihanna lying in that bed with those legs and lips, looking all sensuous… wouldn’t you like to get under her umbrella…? ………I have just been advised by Darron that this is not that kind of a blog…so I must stop

I was a bit miffed that Rihanna did not make it to the Barbados Music Awards this year, I considered going into one of the bathrooms and hanging myself but I had people to take home, plus I would have missed Krosfyah’s performance.
The below Madd track I want to dedicate to the beautiful Rihanna, its like Eric Lewis is singing about her in this song.
Girl you look so sweet
you gimmie cold bumps from my head to my feet

Click and take a listen to the song “FOOD” and see what I mean

Just take note there’s a difference between eating and “biting” ….

 

 Food [4:18m]: Play Now | Play in Popup

Whoa, Turning Music into gold, I could use some more jewelery, the Barbados Music Awards is definitely a must go this year…
When I peruse the above poster and look at the lineup of entertainment industry professionals who will be taking part, one question comes to my mind …. What refreshments will be served?

Will it be fishcakes and Samosas,will there be those little roti snacks like what I got at the Government meetings?Will there be snacks there for vegetarians?

Another pertinent question is why even do they list the presenters and not the food on the flyer, yes its nice to hear that Rihanna’s manager Evan Rogers and Coscap’s CEO Erica Smith are going to be there, but you cant eat them.

I WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THE FOOD!

Last point, Don Pooh, what sort of a name is “Pooh”? Is he family to Winnie the Pooh? I gotta hear him speak, when he finishes his presentation I would ask that in the Q & A session.

I must admit it does seem like quite an impressive line up of International Industry Professionals that you would probably never get close too other wise, that why you should take advantage of this opportunity, be early last year all the seats went in a hurry..

If the Presenters don’t excite you remember, refreshments are being served!

I feel I am going to have to curse both the DLP and the BLP. Both David and Owen. I gun call up and give them piece of my mind!

I was expecting that with all the political song remakes that have been happening somebody would have come to Madd and ask we to remake one of our songs. Not even PEP came to us and offer we a little something… I so R rated vex then….

Our 2007 song “Ugly Girls Tweet” for example, that would have made proper campaign song for one of the female politicians – I won’t say which one and lose my lil pick but you should be able to chose one.

If some one had use “Ugly Girls” as their campaign song, they would have formed a certain kinship with the ugly electorate out there, politicians need to remember that ugly people vote too…

I saw several ugly people waiting in line to vote this morning some one should have had their vote secured. They say politics did get ugly this time around, so they should have had an ugly song.

I even had the song done write and every thing. I was just waiting for the ugly call with some ugly money, but it never came, so for your entertainment and general edification I now present the rewritten lyrics sung to the tune of “Ugly Girls”. This is an exclusive to Boyce Voice and when U read U will know why…

I am an ugly ugly girl

So u can vote for me

And this ugly ugly girl

Will do things for u

Increase pensions for U

Reduce light bills for U

And this Ugly Ugly Girl will never lie to u

Cause ugly girls does be tweet tweet

This Ugly girl tell u vote for me

Ugly girls does be tweet tweet

These Ugly girls tell U vote for me …

Pull up pull up yuh idiot. If that song did get out that ugly politician woulda been sitting in parliament tomorrow…
I DUN…
P.S
I noticed when I voted this morning they provided a pencil for me to make my X. Can’t they afford pens or what? I found that to be very strange and disturbing. I have not written with a pencil in years next thing yuh know somebody rub out my vote and change it. I voted for the ugliest candidate, my ballot best not change…

Kids hiding from the Sick Santa 

Merry Christmas all!
Its Christmas Eve, tonight is the night that Santa Claus is suppose to come to your home bearing gifts.
I don’t know about you but I can’t tell you that thought brings me any level of comfort.
In this day and age the thought of an old man creeping into my kids room at night talking bout he come to bring gifts gives me some cause for concern, and it should do the same for you.

When you really look at it the reputation of Santa Claus leaves a lot to be desired, remember the song “I saw mummy kissing Santa Claus”?
In it Santa crept into some guy’s house and kiss a man wife (aka horn) right in front of his son, Santa is sick then!

Red Plastic Bag our Barbados calypso king also had a similar experience, he caught his woman getting it on with the wuckless Santa, she had the audacity to ask Bag “what is wrong if he hug and kiss it was Santa Claus”

And I need not remind of that vicious act of violence when Santa run over Grandma with his Reindeer, and didn’t stop. There is still an arrest warrant out for him on that one.

Has Santa brought any gifts for you recently? Why is it he only sneaks into little kid’s rooms to take gifts to them only? Sounds like the actions of a pedophile to me,

Also of concern is the line of thought that this Santa guy is actually a pagan creation to distract people from the true meaning of Christmas which is to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ.
Some of you on there didn’t know that right?
That is because you have been brainwashed by the evil mummy kissing Santa Claus, a being whose first name “Santa” rearranged spells “Satan”.

We need to take advice from our bajan Original Ducks Xmas song “beat he or wuh”
Tonight is the night, we should wait with a cricket bat for that Santa to creep in and lick him to ass up, then call the police!

If I dispelled your image of Santa Claus with the above tale, GOOD! You need to look towards the Lord!
We would like to take this opportunity at Boyce Voice to wish you Merry Christmas All!

PS This post will make Darron cry,he is a Santa Claus lover

Guess which politician this is…

Who will be coming down your chimney and bringing you gifts this year? Not Santa Claus: the politicians! The fact that election date has been set in Barbados for 15th January means that not only children can look forward to gifts this year but adults too, as politicians embark on their electoral quest to woo your vote.

Don’t worry if you do not have a chimney they will come knocking at your doors and windows beseeching to be the candidate of your choice. This therefore would be an opportune time for those in the cultural industry to benefit as well. United Artistes of Barbados (UAB) and Barbados Association of Tent Managers (BATMAN) should compile a list of all their requests for Crop Over 2008.

Get an emergency meeting with the government (they would return your calls now) and get an agreement signed off on BEFORE the 15th January. So I start to write my list already, a Boyce controversial request list and I dropping it off first thing tomorrow. I suggest you do the same.

Have your self an election campaign Xmas this year! The X in this case stands for your vote

Santa Politician stuck trying to pass your cable to bring election promise gifts to you

The opening picture says it all, I went into Bridgetown yesterday to perform with the group Pampalam in one of those “Christmas in the City” cultural presentations, and while I was there, took some pictures, come and look through them…

Santa Claus was there but instead of Reindeer he was riding a donkey cart. Apparently things have not been going well for Santa recently and red nose Rudolph and the other Reindeer have abandoned him and left him wearing slippers and with Jack ass transportation. I tried talking to Santa to tell him what I want for Christmas but he didn’t respond, I think he was stoned. When he threatened to hit me in my head with the coconut he was holding I figured it was time i moved on…

There was a mime and every thing, here Andre Belle performs his Nifca Award winning presentation “Watch the Lamb”

There was a Tuk Band too, (if the picture looks blurred u need to get your eyes checked)

There were impressive costumed ladies

and Belly dancing ladies, how low can you go…?

“Christmas in the City” was put on by Barbados Tourist Board to entertain locals and visitors while in town for Christmas shopping, if these Pics do not encourage you to go in town nothing will, maybe you can get jack ass Santa to talk to you…

COMING SOON!

Log on tomorrow when Boyce Voice takes you Under Cover to expose piracy operation we uncovered while in Bridgetown…

It will be an exclusive, Don’t Miss it!

unless you have something else to do that is more important of course..